Friday, March 23, 2012

Challenges and Calls to Love

I think think one of the hardest challenges is when I have great love for someone, go out of my way to help a dream come true for them, do everything in my power to make sure I keep my word, treat them with respect and love, and yet somehow they end up having negative feelings toward me because I didn't do it sooner, or because I expressed a little frustration along the way, or because I couldn't do more and give them something else they wanted, or because I didn't do it the way they wanted. Its those times when all the love in my heart is not enough proof. My best is still not meeting their expectations. Putting countless hours of blood sweat and tears into helping them achieve a dream goes out the window because they want to be hurt, and there is nothing I can do about it. I feel for the person I care about, it breaks my heart to know that they think I have hurt them, but I know it is not my fault. Its so hard to let go of the guilt. It has happened with more than one person in my life recently and you may ask " What are you doing to them? Maybe you need to look in the mirror and self assess Freddy" I honestly feel I have. I am not perfect, but I am a reasonable, loving, giving person who is truly interested in co-creation. Does this mean I cant say hurtful things or make blunders?No, but I am starting to understand that I need to take responsibility only for what is mine to change. I cannot control how someone else chooses to "create me" for themselves. I am still heartbroken, I am still battling guilt, I am still angry that I am being cast in this light, but the truth is bigger than these feelings. The truth is that I am not at fault. I am a physical being doing my best and I deserve the same compassion and understanding that I give. If someone cannot give me that in return, all I can do is keep giving it and understand that they don't know any other way out than to blame me. I cant try to convince anyone any longer. I have love in my heart. I choose forgiveness. I want to see them shine and fly and be happy, but I cant do anything about their feelings anymore, or judge myself anymore. I have too much good work to do. So, if you are one of those people who has chosen to judge and blame me, I love you and wish nothing but blessings upon you. I thank you for the opportunity to practice knowing my own worth and goodness is not dependent on you. I hope you know yours as well.

As Vulcans say - Live Long and Prosper !
Namaste

2 comments:

  1. YOU are a wonderful, radiant light of the Divine and I love YOU!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I know for me personally, the most difficult of The Four Agreements is "Don't take anything personally." Oy.

    You're on the right track kiddo.
    Oh, and what Yo just said. :)

    ReplyDelete